I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize
