I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Randomize
