I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
