Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
