Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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