Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
