So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
The feeling are messing with the penis
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
