I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
