no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Randomize
