and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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