I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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