I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
