Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
