i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
