Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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