How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
