yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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