So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
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