Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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