I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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