remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
