This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
