where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
