We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Randomize
