my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
