I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Randomize
