Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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