tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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