apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
