sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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