I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Randomize
