I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
He's on the porch naked. Help.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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