I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Randomize
