i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
