Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
