And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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