so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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