Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
