Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
