I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
