The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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