I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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