I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
