Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
