Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
