Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
