You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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