loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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