I want to make a zoo with you.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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