apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Do vagina's smell?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
