My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
